SAO Abridged: Phantom Feline
by FlammPanzer
Summary: A fanfiction of the popular Sword Art Online Abridged (youtube parody series; I do not own this). Kirito enters the VMMORPG Gun Gale Online to discover the truth of several possible murders. While battling the enigmatic Death Gun, Kirito discovers his identity is that of an old foe he never thought he would see again. Takes place during the Phantom Bullet arc.
1. Chapter 1

The Barrage of Bullets was reaching its end, only three players remained. Kirito charged across the moonlit desert landscape towards his enemy. Sinon had destroyed Death Gun's rifle but lost her scope in the process, largely negating her combat ability.

As Kirito neared the low rocky cave Death Gun was hiding in, he raised his photon sword preparing to strike. "Time to die troglodyte mouth-breather!"

Death Gun quickly rose to his feet, drawing a bladed weapon from the broken remnants of his rifle. His glowing mismatched yellow and blue eyes glowed in the darkness. Kirito lunged at him, swinging the purplish-blue energy blade in a forward strike. However, Death Gun un-expectantly dodged the blow and countered with a thrust from his blade, stabbing him in the shoulder. Kirito recognized the thin, long, pointed sword. It was an estoc, a weapon specializing in quick thrusts.

Kirito stumbled back covering the wound with his hand before sarcastically responding. "Look I know we just met and are trying to kill each other but that was totally uncalled for."

Death Gun held his estoc out at arm's length, ready to strike at a moments notice. "Your skills seem rusty Black Swordsman. That half-assed vorpal strike you just pulled, if the old you saw it, he'd shake his head." Death Gun's menacing digitally scrambled voice cut through the sound of the blowing wind.

Kirito replied without hesitating, despite the unexpected familiarity. "I don't remember meeting any emo terminators before today."

"I see your attitude hasn't changed, although your gender finally matches your voice now…"

Kirito's eyes widened and his voice screeched. "Okay, shut it! I'm tired of everyone giving me shit over that. I didn't do it out of choice!"

Death Gun's laughter mocked his burst of anger.

Kirito fought back the boiling rage from his opponent's razor-sharp insult, focusing on the matter at hand. "So Mr. Death-Pun, what's with the whole killing people thing? Just get up one morning and decide you wanna be a serial killer in the dumbest, flashy and overly complicated way possible?"

Death Gun was silent for a moment as a strong wind blew through them. "They owed debts…as do you Kirito."

"Debts? What the hell are you talking about?"

Death Gun abruptly leaped at Kirito, thrusting his estoc at his chest, "The King of Ashes sends his regards!"

Memories from SAO flashed in Kirito's mind as he parried Death Gun with his photon sword. The King of Ashes was the ravenous, blood-thirsty ruler of the burned-out ruins of floor 75. Kirito had enraged him several times in the past but since the shutdown of SAO had only received random threats from him on social media. Till now he had never taken them seriously.

Kirito struck back at Death Gun, his glowing sword being deflected by the metal estoc. His assault having failed, he jumped back to establish distance and to give himself time to think. "King of Ashes? Is that what this is about? Are you seriously just his little bitch-boy?"

Death Gun stood still for a moment in a defensive stance while laughing ominously. "I serve myself, as I always have. Here, have another gift. I know you enjoyed the last one." Death Gun abruptly hurled a small dagger at Kirito.

As Kirito reflexively deflected it, Death Gun used the distraction to charge forward, unleashing a sudden flurry of thrusts. Kirito struggled to keep up with the overwhelming onslaught. He found himself stepping back repeatedly to avoid the attacks, even then only just evading direct strikes.

The fast and unrelenting assault reminded Kirito of a past fight but he couldn't place it. It wasn't against anyone like Death Gun but was unmistakably familiar. While continuing to trade blows with his opponent, he racked his mind trying to recollect.

The glow from his photon sword illuminated the night, clashing with the mismatched blue and yellow eyes of Death Gun. _Who the hell is this guy and why does he have two different colored eyes? It's stupid, just like…!_ Sudden realization struck Kirito; Death Gun's familiarity with him, the debt, the dagger, his fighting style, the King of Ashes and of course the mismatched eyes. "You! You're him aren't you?"

Death Gun abruptly stopped his assault, holding his estoc in a threatening pose. "Oh, you finally remember?"

"You son of a bitch! How are you even here?"

Death Gun responded with foreboding laughter. "You see…" Death Gun reached to his face with his left bandaged hand, pulling back his hood and slowly removing the skull mask. As it fell to the sandy ground, his true voice replaced the digitally scrambled words. "Meow."

Kirito's mouth hung open in shock; his old arch-nemesis was standing in front of him. "So it is you…Don Fluffles!"


	2. Chapter 2

A break in the clouds allowed a glimmer of moonlight to shine on Death Gun, revealing his true features. His black feline head and mismatched blue and yellow eyes contrasted greatly with his humanoid body.

Kirito knew this creature very well from his time trapped in SAO. The impossibly intelligent, anthromorphic cat had somehow been logged into the death game. As if this unlikelihood wasn't enough, he had inexplicably learned how to play it. Fluffles had even gone on to found the mafia, earning the title Don. He and Kirito had a troubled history going back over a year. The conflict originated from a debt owed by the guild Moonlight Black Cats. As Kirito was the only surviving member, the obligation transferred to him. After several battles, their rivalry only intensified. With the shutdown of the SAO server, Kirito had assumed he would never see the cat again. He was clearly wrong.

"You sly bastard, how are you logging into these games?" Kirito thrust his photon sword out at arm's length to accentuate his question.

"Meow."

Kirito grimaced at the answer. "So that's why you allied with him huh? I should have known."

"Meow." Fluffles shifted his stance like a cat preparing to pounce.

Kirito raised his glowing blade in a defensive posture. "Yeah, I agree. Let's finish this!"

Fluffles growled menacingly while leaping into the air, far higher than seemed possible. He thrust his estoc out as he descended, stabbing Kirito in the side. The impact knocked him to the ground and he reflexively rolled away. Kirito leaped to his feet just in time to parry a follow-up attack from Fluffles.

They traded blows back and forth to little effect as they battled. Suddenly a glowing red bullet line appeared on Fluffles' shoulder. Kirito immediately realized this was from Sinon's gun; she was trying to back him up. _Guess she's good for something after all._

Fluffles reflexively tried dodging the bullet line as a large-caliber bullet whizzed past both of them. Kirito took advantage of this and slashed for the cat's head, taking a chunk out of his ear. Fluffles hissed in pain, quickly jumping back. His feline form suddenly started to blur as he began activating his optical camouflage.

"Meow." Fluffles mocking laughter rang out through the desert.

"No you don't you black furball!" Kirito lunged forward, desperately trying to strike the cat before he escaped. As Fluffles's form began disappearing into the darkness, Kirito realized it was too late; he would never reach him in time. A sudden idea flashed into Kirito's mind, he quickly reached to the holster on his hip grabbing the FN Five-Seven pistol. He fired a quick series of rounds into the vanishing foe; the impacts disrupted the invisibility and staggered the feline.

Fluffles grimaced in pain and hissed at Kirito. He recovered quickly from the assault and began a quick flurry of strikes with his estoc.

The blows slashed Kirito repeatedly, and he stumbled to the ground. As he fell he swung his photon sword in an upward arc circumnavigating Fluffles' attacks. The glowing energy sword carved into the anthromorphic cat's torso cleaving him in half in an explosive fiery flash.

Kirito ducked and rolled away from the blast, dexterously landing on his feet. Fluffles upper body spun and reeled before crashing into the sand, facing towards Kirito.

The gender-swapped black swordsman slowly approached the mangled feline. "I guess cats don't always land on their feet, huh Fluffles?"

As the light in the defeated cat's eyes faded, he responded with a foreboding meow.

Kirito was unintimidated. "I'll take you on again anytime, same goes for the King of Ashes."

Fluffles' eyes dimmed and the 'dead' icon appeared over his avatar.

"Guess you only have seven lives left now." Kirito took one last glance at the vanquished feline before deactivating his energy blade and traveling back to Sinon.

They met a few moments later, Sinon greeting him with a smile. Kirito returned the grin before it abruptly faded. "What the hell was that? You could have killed me with that shot!"

Sinon's smile curled maliciously. "I know, I was hoping to take out both of you with one shot."

"Damn it Sinon I thought we had a truce! I did just save your life after all."

Sinon rolled her eyes. "Sure you did hot pants." After resting the stock of her rifle on the sandy ground she returned his gaze. "So, who was that guy anyway? He looked like a cat."

Kirito took a deep breath before responding. "That was Don Fluffles, the most sinister feline in all Aincrad. Well, only feline in Aincrad."

Sinon raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "That was an actual cat?"

Kirito exhaled loudly and excessively. "Look, it's a long story. To keep it simple, he's a cat…that runs a mob and kills people."

"What?"

"Yeah, I know how it sounds!" Kirito put his hand over his face again before responding. "Look did you owe anyone money or anything? Maybe puked in their shoes or insulted their fashion sense?"

Sinon put her hand to her chin, "Not that I can think of… you know, aside from you Tinkerbell. You think Death Gun was killing people over something so trivial?"

Kirito nodded, "Yeah, he's petty that way. Well anyway, you probably should logout to make sure one of his goons isn't rummaging through your underwear drawer."

Sinon glared at him. "That's not funny you freak! There could be a murderer in my house right now!"

"Fluffles, err, Death Gun only murdered people when he killed them in the game. His little death fairy accomplice probably fled already."

Sinon still looked uncertain and Kirito groaned loudly. "Okay, fine princess. Just tell me your contact info and I'll swing by your place to make sure there's no stalker hanging around."

Sinon hugged her arms to her chest and scowled in disgust. "Yeah right, so you can creep on me? No way!"

"Hey! Get over yourself Sinon; I have a girlfriend if you must know."

"Yeah, I'm sure she has adjustable arms and everything."

"Oh my god! Not you too!" Kirito turned his back on her while rolling his eyes.

"I'm sorry…I'm just really worried," Sinon responded in an uncharacteristically soft tone.

Kirito turned back, "What? Seriously?"

Sinon turned red and abruptly punched Kirito in the arm. "Shut up asshole, I'm trying to be nice!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. Just stop hitting me!" Kirito stepped back to avoid her assault. "That one lowered my HP!"

After the situation calmed, Sinon and Kirito exchanged their information and agreed to meet up.

"Just make sure to beware of any black cats okay?" Kirito nonchalantly flicked off one of the rotating cameras. "So uh, how do we end this thing anyway, wanna duel?"

"No thanks, I don't beat up little girls. So, I guess you don't know how the first BOB ended do you?" Sinon reached to her belt for a grenade.

Kirito raised an eyebrow. "No, what happened?"

Sinon handed him the grenade. "They were both eliminated at the same time, so there were two winners."

"You want to-"

Sinon cut him off, "That's right; I always wanted to try a double suicide!"

"Wait what!"

Before he could react Sinon activated the grenade and abruptly wrapped her arms around Kirito, preventing him from fleeing. She giggled merrily just before they were both consumed by the explosion.

With the Barrage of Bullets' conclusion, both Sinon and Kirito were the winners. Sinon hesitantly logged out, being wary of what awaited her.

When she awoke she could feel the cool air from her air conditioner blowing over her. She sneezed reflexively before cautiously opening her eyes. Darkness filled her vision as she listened carefully for anything out of the ordinary. After several moments of nervous focusing, she relaxed and slowly sat up, removing the Amusphere.

Sinon put her glasses on and scanned the room. The lack of moving shadows gave her the courage to carefully get up and flip the light switch. A new search of the now illuminated room revealed nothing and she proceeded to investigate the rest of the apartment.

After completing her detailed inspection, Sinon leaned against the small sink releasing the pent-up stress from the last few hours. _What am I doing, there's no one here. Kirito was exaggerating._

The doorbell rang without warning, making Sinon jump. After momentary uncertainty, she nervously approached the door and looked through the eyehole. Her peek revealed nothing, leaving her feeling anxious. Eventually, the uncertainty gnawed away at her and without thinking, she swung open the door.

Sinon saw nobody outside, a quick look up and down the hall also revealed no one. Feeling foolish she closed and locked the door before moving to the fridge. After retrieving a can of tea she closed the refrigerator's door and sat down on the couch. _I need to calm down._

Suddenly she spotted something moving out of the corner of her eye. Dropping the tea, she craned her neck and spotted it. A black cat with a blue and yellow eye.

"Meow."

End

This story is in response to the many fans of SAO Abridged that want Death Gun to be Fluffles in Something Witty Entertainment's adaptation. This would differ from the original material as Death Gun was Red-Eyed XaXa, a member of the murder guild Laughing Coffin. He appeared in the murder mystery arc but did not speak. However, this would be an excellent chance to depict an epic fight between Kirito and Fluffles; something only previously referenced. I made Sinon a more sarcastic version of herself for this, something I imagine Something Witty Entertainment will also do.

As for the ending, I thought it was funny. Fluffles showing up in person to kill Sinon is comically absurd. If I would ever continue this story, I suppose it would detail Kirtio showing up and fighting the cat. Ultimately Fluffles would be defeated and flee. The end of the arc would be Kirito meeting with the ministry of the interior, discussing how Fluffles is still at large.

I thank everyone that read this story and hope you enjoyed it.

FlammPanzer


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